Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to marvel at the cure for the ages!

Have you ever wondered why you can't be smarter? Of course, if you're not already smart, you won't find an answer. It's nature's Catch 22. That's some catch, that catch 22. It's the best there is. But I digress, which, if you are still wondering why you aren't smarter, is a word you probably won't be able to look up in the dictionary. The symptoms of this disorder are an inability to spell your own name, anxiety trying to figure out how to dial a phone number, and complete bewilderment about why, even in your adult life, you still don't understand what people mean when they keep talking about "birds and bees." Ladies and gentlemen, I have your answer. But first ...
Have you ever wondered why you aren't more manly? Of course, if you're not already manly, then you don't have the guts to ever man up. It's nature's Catch 22. That's some catch, that catch 22. It's the best there is. But even though I'm making fun of you, you won't have the fortitude to do anything but flinch at my literary assault. The symptoms of this disorder are an inability to raise your voice, even if you are speaking under a jet turbine, anxiety in making a fist, even if you have no intention of swinging it, and complete bewilderment about why John Wayne, even in his death, is still the manliest man in the world, followed closely by Chuck Norris. Ladies and gentlemen, I have your answer.